Avens Dolor

Comments in red. Wednesday, December 23, 2008 Time was of the essence. Every second that ticked by was another second lost. I think I would change the second line. The ...

Short but interesting. I would work on changing up your sentence structure, and varying the length because right now they almost all read "subject-verb-object". I like that you've bottled your ...

Comments in red. August 1735 My father's inn, The Gold Cannon , was crowded as usual, but my father was always able to make room. It was late, so I ...

Comments in red. When Gaia, now known as Earth Comma. came into existence, she bore a son. His name was Pontus. He was a mythological being who eventually created the ...

Back for more! Comments, as always, in red. I asked him multiple times. I can't call his name or face to mind, only his frown as he looked down at ...

Comments in red. Sometimes there is one image that is so burnt into your mind that it haunts you in your sleep as well as your waking hours. This is ...

Comments in red. The last person I wanted to be with on earth was with me that night, under a nearly dilapidated waiting shed that seemed to be apologizing to ...

Comments in red. She lay there, flat on her stomach Comma. watching the shadows pass over her soft purple bed sheets. And then they stopped, almost as if frozen in ...

Beautifully written and chock full of emotion. The opening stanza is gorgeous. Perfect. My only nitpicks with the rest: If you had a chance to never have existed, would you ...

Comments in red. Flames licked the sky and stained it a crimson red Will sound much better as "and stained it crimson". Trust me: readers will know that crimson is ...

You request a rip? Oh the horror! Careful what you wish for, when Avens is trolling the boards. ;) Comments in red. I don't remember how long ago it started. ...

Comments in red. This man was pale, his skin the color of moonlight. It shone as a silver dollar in the midnight sun. His eyes were of the clearest blue. ...

Comments in red. PREFACE If you could solve all the mysteries in this world, what would you see? Perhaps it's only me, but this seems a little awkward. I would ...

Comments in red. 'Too much patience, I can’t take it any more I have to do this I have make my move. Big run-on, there. Either break it into smaller ...

I loved this! Very well written and a nice spin on a common topic. That said, I still have a few nitpicks/questions: 1. He was wrapped in his usual dark, ...